Dear Mr. Senear,
Here is an account of some of the things God has wrought in my life. By no means exhaustive, it leaps from mountaintop to mountaintop... (to God be all the glory)
When i was 2, i was playing in the dirt in my grandmother's courtyard in Pakistan. It was an open courtyard, built in the style of the Spanish villas. A light appeared above in the the sky. It was brilliant, brighter than the sun. I was unable to move.
I felt then as if a laser beam were penetrating my soul, holding me paralyzed all the while in its irrefutable grip. The feeling was terror. Soul-terror. Like a ragdoll is powerless in the hands of a child, so was i before this mighty God who manifested Himself to me.
When it was made clear i could not exercise control over my body, i relaxed and stopped fighting. As i gave myself over to Him, the agony was replaced by ecstasy. Beyond description.
I remember calling out "Father."
When i was older, an angel visited me in my bedroom, in Calgary, Canada. Though i could not see him, he brought with him the familiarity of a close friend which fit perfectly into my thoughts. "Would you die for somebody?" he asked.
"I don't know," i said, deferring to his obviously greater wisdom.
"What do you think?"
"Yes, it is a good idea to die for somebody," he assured me.
I agreed and was then filled with a sense of peace and joy.
"Would you die for anyone?"
Thoughts of those who had hurt me crowded my head.
"Well, maybe not anybody..."
"Kashif, put yourself in their shoes," he said, showing me how it must feel to be held a grudge against. Rotten.
As a young adult, i had everything a man could want: family, friends, opportunities, health. But like the prodigal, i took it for granted and abused it. Drugs and loose living led me astray.
A friend began to preach to me at work. Being born into a muslim home, not only did i find the Gospel difficult
to accept, but i argued with and belittled this man for sport.
One day, while in my Toronto apartment, i saw a demon cowering at me from a dark corner. I had been doing drugs and sorcery. Frightened, i fell to my knees, and cried out, "God, if You are there, help me now!"
Now, i had not previously been exposed to the Bible and its teachings in any great detail, but what happenned jolted me to take notice. Immediately the phone rang.
I reached for it, still on my knees. It was my friend from work, the "preacher". Stunned, i asked him what i should do. The unbreachable wall of defensiveness towards the blessed truth was crumbling down... "Read your Bible," was the meek reply.
Though i now began to read the Bible, i was still involved in many new age cults, which colored my approach to God.
In Revelations, the recurrence of the number seven caught me as especially important. We read there of seven churches, seven eyes, seven spirits of God and so on. Normally, what would ensue would be remarkable, but became miraculous when we bear in mind the fact that i was reading the Bible and studying Revelations at the time, noticing the importance of the number seven.
I sat down in October of 1993 to write out a record of my expenditures for the previous month, and this is what i was delighted to see:
|
Bus Pass
|
67
|
|
Rent
|
290
|
|
Phone
|
90
|
|
Food
|
120
|
|
Drugs
|
180
|
|
Misc.
|
30
|
|
Total
|
777
|
What was God trying to tell me?
Miracles became almost commonplace thereafter. And more remarkable. Seeing as all the signs were pointing specifically to a Christian God, i joined a Bible study at the University of Alberta, Canada.
On a weekend retreat in 1994, i was talking with a friend late Saturday night. It was about 3 or 4 in the morning and everyone else had long since fallen asleep. Suddenly there was a soft knocking at the door, seven knocks. If it had been a camper, they should simply have walked in, it was a communal cabin. Who was it then, if not a camper?
My friend braved it and answered the door. Cowering behind, i asked, "Is anyone there?"
"No," she said, looking around the empty landing.
I walked out, and called out, "Who's there?"
Thinking it was a prank, i searched the
nearby brush. Nobody. Pausing to reflect on the swings nearby, i
felt a deep peace suddenly come over me. I wondered, "What is my
friend doing?"
Something like this happened to Moses in Exodus when he saw the Lord for 40 days. Had she seen the Lord? That weekend ended but more miracles ensued quickly. My conviction was growing.
Monday morning God sent me a brother to harvest my soul. We talked and after i told him of all that i had seen, he showed me Bible prophecies which had come true, like Jesus' birthplace, His ancestry and manner of death. I was convinced.
He asked me, "Would you like to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior, believing that He died on the cross for your sins and rose from the grave?"
I thought to myself, closing my eyes, "After all He's done to prove it's true, i'd be an idiot to say no!"
I mean, seriously, if you know the Gospel is true, you WOULD be an idiot to refuse its power. Eternal life? Free? YOU BET!
I opened my eyes and said, "OK."
Then it happenned.
The Holy Spirit entered my body (at the solar plexus). He was so gentle, so loving, like both parents times a million ministering to their baby. I cried. Exuberantly, with total abandon. Pain i did not know i carried in my bosom was washed out.
I did not care what anyone thought. I was with the highest authority of the universe, God. If anyone judged me they were wrong. God accepted and loved me.
A joy so profound i cannot describe filled my soul and i leaped to my feet and whooped. That is the only word i can think of: whoop. That is the sound that came out.
Knowing of nothing but his appearance, I said, "You look like a member of the Pakistani community."
He disappeared.
In Acts, Paul sees a man from Macedonia telling him to preach the Gospel there. A similar vision. A call?
A few months later, a found myself out of my body. It was morning.
Floating around the apartment, i knew this was a supernatural experience. At the foot of the stairs, i saw to my right a sheet of lightning (like the snow on your tv set), blinding in glory.
Though i was out of the body, a small light from inside of me flew towards and into this greater light, like a piece of steel to a magnet. A very big magnet.
Then as i floated up the stairs, i heard my father's voice call my name, "Kashif".
I was shown a clock set at 11:15 and a radio. Maybe to tell me to listen to the radio that day at 11:15 AM to hear the Gospel radio show. So i did.
The show was about Esther. I had previously memorized a verse about Esther's calling:
Esther 4:14: "If you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise from elsewhere for the Jews, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?"
Mordecai, serving as Esther's conscience, prods her to witness to the king in order to spare her people from genocide. Was God telling me He was willing to use me and that is why He created me? If i didn't respond, was i not then in danger of being left behind?
After these things i quit my job and went into full-time preaching.
Please pray that God remain central in my life and that i both know Him and make Him known, as He is wonderful!
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