Weigh Your Words
My husband, Mark, and I sat across from a couple who had asked
us to mentor them. They rarely had a nice thing to say to one another,
reacting impulsively and verbally lashing out. Like so many of us, they
struggled with control over their words.
If we're honest, many of us will admit to being irritated by our spouse
at times. Our fast-paced, stress-filled lives too easily feed our
impatience — causing us to react, rather than respond, to one another.
Scripture clearly defines the power of our words: “Reckless words pierce
like a sword” (Proverbs 12:18), and “The tongue has the power of life
and death” (Proverbs 18:21).
Because careless words can wound, practicing a little self-control at
home is a great way to implement change in our marriage. When we are
tempted to react by speaking harshly or thoughtlessly with our spouse,
we can use these three steps to exhibit self-control:
Stop. When you're irritated, angry or frustrated, don't say the first
thing that comes to mind. Stop before you speak.
Think. Carefully consider if your words will be helpful to your spouse
and your marriage. Is this the right time and place to share what's on
your mind?
Choose. Recognize that you are at an important fork in the road.
Carefully choose your response. Speak words that will bring life to your
marriage — or bite your tongue and say nothing.
As marriage mentors, we challenged the couple mentioned previously to
start with these three small steps. We asked them, with God's help, to
focus only on changing themselves. Three months later, they reported
success. Small daily choices revolutionized their marriage.
When we control our tongue, we trade instant satisfaction for the
greater vision of a healthy, nurturing marriage. Exercising self-control
in the little things may even help strengthen us to overcome temptation
in the bigger things.
There's wisdom in measuring our words — we can bring healing and life to
our marriage.
Talk About It
- If we determined to stop, think and choose our words
carefully when we're irritated or upset, how might that change our
marriage?
- Which of these three steps is the most challenging for us?
- Could we make any changes in the pace of our life to allow us to respond, rather than react, to one another?
This article first appeared in the October/November 2011 issue of Thriving Family magazine. Copyright © 2011 by Jill Savage. Used by permission. ThrivingFamily.com.
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