WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 15, 2010

1st of all, maybe you think since they are parents they have a right to talk like that as parents. Turns out many parents are abusers. Actually they are not trying to be tough to make you responsible- they are tricking you.

Hurting people hurt others. It's not you.. They are the ones who have a problem. People/parents do mean things or lie to control. They just want the reaction so they can get high feel good from it. You have to look at the agenda. Abuse is anything and words that are not uplifting. So forget what truth is being used right then. Remember -THEY actually get high on being mean, and thats why they do it, they are wrong about everything.

So the parent becomes abusive and the children get sick with so called mental Illnesses- painful but not disorders, but it can be stopped. You dont have a problem its them. Psychiatrists commit fraud in that there is zero science in what they do. They do not draw blood to test for imbalances. For chemical imbalances no test exists. There is no conception of what a correct chemical balance would look like to date. People in the FDA agree. I have links for this.

Remember, after abuse sickness can be a spiritual problem - Jesus name is needed to banish what is there.

God wants you to know truth, forgive, and get away from them. You sure feel better after reading the links.

Google- "Inside the Mind of an Abuser" -See how it works and be free...

I have many links for anyone to read on abuse and psychiatric fraud as well as inner healing.

Source--Seeing people healed on a regular basis in a ministry- healing without meds.

30+ years exp -abuse etc..

We acknowledge people who are physically challenged. Their difficulties are obvious. However, there are many people walking around with invisible scars, and they too need to be acknowledged. A high percentage of people are the victims of verbal aggression, and unlike those physically abused, go without any protection. They live with anger, fear, and guilt. If one hears occasional verbal abuse it may not seem significant, but it can become toxic! Many diseases are known to be stress related including depression and heart disease.

Verbal abuse is language that's harmful to one's spirit. As I listen to clients share this deep hurt, I realize that severe chronic stress has damaged both body and mind. Often the victims are just relieved that there is no physical abuse. They feel that they are just "too sensitive" so their emotional reactions are their own fault. Sometimes they don't even realize this verbal abuse underlies the cause of their own misery. It has become a lifestyle in which they have become accustomed. Awareness that one is a victim of verbal abuse is the first step for change. The next step is to refuse to play the game. If you need help getting out of this cycle, please look for a mental health professional to assist you. We all deserve a life that is harmonious and healthy. We are here to heal ourselves.

I believe that verbal abuse is at the root of physical violence. When I worked as a school counselor, I saw how other children hurt others with their words. Often they thought it was humorous, and could not understand why the victim took it so seriously. I reminded children that if the other person isn't laughing, it isn't funny! Children learn to think it is permissible to cause other's pain, and even become callous about others' suffering. I believe that we must first rid our country of verbal violence if we are ever going to solve the problem of physical violence. The step between the two is slight.

Verbal abusers are dependent on the attention they get from their victims. It is their "fix." Verbal abusers need a participant. It becomes a codependent situation. Clients have shared how they have tried to be "assertive" by being verbally abusive back to their partners. They may plead and cry to arouse sympathy, or even try to reason with them. Unfortunately, though these women were trying to protect themselves, it only made matters worse. This behavior actually rewards the abuser.

The origins of verbal abuse begin in our homes. Children are not held responsible for the pain they inflict on brothers and sisters because it's just "normal" sibling rivalry. If children can't take the teasing, they are seen as wimps or sissies. Youngsters who are verbally abusive may even be admired because they come on witty and strong. Often these bullies instill fear. Confronting them is a frightening experience!

Parenting can be challenging and cause much weariness. When there are battles going on in the home, there is a lack of harmony and peace. Home is filled with tension. It is inevitable and even normal that brothers and sisters fight. It's how kids learn to negotiate, problem solve and deal with feelings. It's also important to realize that that there are steps we can take to minimize problems. Each day we have a new opportunity to model the values we want to promote in our children.

If parents consistently battle, children learn it is an acceptable way to handle problems. If children are physically punished, they learn it is all right to hurt those you love. If parents are derogatory with one another, children learn that "put-downs" are acceptable. We want our children to feel loved unconditionally through our facial expressions, our hugs and our words of encouragement. These youngsters are our gifts to future generations. We want them to flourish and be responsible adults.

We have the right to expect each other to show respect and common courtesy. I encourage all families to set some family rules for acceptable behavior. Post them. Then look for and reinforce positive behavior. Catch children being good! Acknowledge specifically the good behavior you noticed. Children want to please and receive desirable attention. Bedtime is a great time to spend a few minutes individually with each child.

Creating a positive family environment is essential. If you are having challenges in this area, many school districts offer parenting classes. Please call and inquire. No one taught us how to do this work, yet it is the most significant work we have to do! We can change the world one family at a time. We can eliminate the visible and invisible scars with the right tools and intention. We can choose to make this world a better place beginning with us.

I want to share a poem written by Dorothy Nolte. This hung in our home and in my classroom as a reminder that our actions affect children.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to be shy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty,
If children live with tolerance, they learn to be patient.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with praise, they learn to appreciate.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with acceptance and friendship,
They learn to find love in the world.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 26, 2010

Maintaining a healthy, happy family. 

1. CLEAR BOUNDARIES MAINTAINED BETWEEN CHILDREN AND PARENTS – It is my responsibility to raise my children and, therefore, to have authority over them. Although I can be their friend, I am a parent first, and do not use my children to meet my emotional needs. I take care of my own needs, and my spouse and I have a relationship apart from the children. We avoid siding with any child, and discourage “alliances” from developing. Even when they sometimes act like people I’m angry with, I don’t project my frustrations out on them.


2. MARITAL RELATIONSHIP SECURE AND LOVING- I am always looking for ways to make my relationship better. My partner and I help each other, are flexible in our roles, and show mutual respect. We set aside time to talk about problems, but we also go out and have fun together, so that our home is not merely a “child rearing business.”


3. COMMUNICATION IS RESPECTFUL - With my partner and my children, I communicate in a respectful manner. I listen attentively and talk without aggression, careful to not use put-downs and comments that can shame my children. I am secure enough to allow my children to express strong feelings and opinions.


4. DISCUSSION AND NEGOTIATION PREFERRED - My partner and I never impose our will on each other, and are open to hearing each other’s points of view. I am willing, when appropriate, to also engage in discussion and negotiation with my children, letting them contribute to the problem-solving process. I am open to changing the rules if necessary.


5. “AUTHORITATIVE” STYLE OF PARENTING IS USED- My style of parenting is neither authoritarian nor permissive. My spouse and I have reasonable rules for the children. We are willing to hear them out, but reserve the right to have the final say. Our decisions are made out of love, not anger, and our goal is to meet the best interests of the family.


6. AUTONOMY ENCOURAGED - I give my children as much respon- sibility as they can handle. Although I am responsible for their welfare, and seek to keep them safe, I don’t overprotect or over-control them. I teach them in such as way that they internalize my rules and lessons, and behave because they think it is the right thing to do, rather than out of fear.

http://www.johnhamel.net/family_v/fam_v_prevention/fam_v_prev_pdf/charhealthyfam.pdf